NARRATIVE ESSAY

TAKEN

By Anabelle B. Añonuevo

My heart becomes heavy and tired when I remember my child. 

My husband (William) and I were married for at least a year before we decided to have a baby. We were the happiest couple on earth when we learned that I was conceiving. I was so excited and thrilled everytime my husband would come home from work because he would care for me twice as he did before I got pregnant. He became sweeter of course because there was a little creature growing inside my womb, the fruit of our love.

Being an expecting mom, I was very eager to learn the whats and the whys of pregnancy. I would research from the internet the dos and the don’ts of pregnant women and even how cesarean section and normal delivery are done. I got a little scared of what I discovered but my husband made me strong. 

During prenatal check-ups, he religiously accompanied me to my private OBGYN. I will never forget that great joy we both felt when I had my first ultra sound. My tears fell when I heard his heart beat while my husband held my hand. It was so amazing. I listened attentively to my doctor. I did what she told me. I ate fruits and vegetables, drank milk and took vitamins. 

On my second month of pregnancy, I told William that I want to rent a house near the school where I teach for I thought it would be better than traveling twenty eight kilometers every day. And so, my very patient husband agreed even if it meant twenty eight kilometers drive from his work place.

A few months later, my tummy grew big so I started using maternity clothes. I would always touch my tummy and talk to my baby. I was so fortunate for I didn’t have any morning sickness, back aches or headaches which were believed to be very common to pregnant women.

We became happier when we started to feel our baby’s movement. He would move the most when his father comes home and talks to him like a real human being. I remember how he responds to his father when he feels my tummy.

On my fourth month, William and I started to buy things for our precious one. We were extremely excited.

It was the sixth month of my pregnancy when my doctor advised me to eat more due to my baby’s weight. She said I shouldn’t reduce my food intake because my baby’s too small for his age. And so I did. I didn’t control my diet thinking it was for my baby’s sake.

It was his seventh month when I felt a pain in my nape and so I told my doctor about it. We were all shocked when she announced by blood pressure. It was 160/100. It was way above the normal blood pressure.

She referred me to a government hospital and advised me to submit myself for confinement. She said that my blood pressure must be monitored at all times to prevent trouble. And so I did. 

I stayed at the hospital for two weeks but my blood pressure kept shooting up. Both of my hands were swollen because of the intravenous infusions that I have gone through. I had to take oral medications so as to normalize my BP. I was even catheterized twice. 

But as I stayed in that hospital, I could hardly notice my baby’s movement. I got scared so I told the nurse and the doctor about it. But they told me to relax because the baby’s fine. Being the one who was carrying the baby, I knew that there was something wrong. So I forced my husband to take me out of that hospital.

When I got out of the hospital, I decided to go to my OBGYN together with my sister, Aileen. That was the first time that my husband did not join me for he was needed by his boss. After telling my doctor about my concern, she immediately performed an ultra sound and then to our surprise, she couldn’t find my baby’s heart beat. She pressed my tummy several times and then she shook her head. Softly she said, “I’m sorry but your baby has no more heart beat. What happened?” I answered her question with a question too:  “What? It can’t be!” She said, “Yes, I really can’t find his heartbeat and based from the findings, he’s been dead approximately 24 hours”.

I just couldn’t believe what I heard. I felt like shouting and crying when I heard the news. My sister couldn’t believe either since she prepared the baby’s clothes a week before that. Just as I was sitting and trying to stay calm, my husband called. He asked about the check up. I just told him that we have to meet and talk as soon as possible. 

When we met, I didn’t know how to tell him about our son. I was shaking when I uttered: “He’s gone.” That was the first time that I saw him felt so down. We both cried and didn’t know what to do.  It was my sister who informed our family about the incident and so they came to help.

They sympathized and gave us advice. There was nothing we could do but to accept the fact that our little son… our precious one was gone. Our relatives told us that God probably has other plans for us. It was hard for me to accept that especially when I saw a couple at the hospital. They looked so stressed and poor and I guess they have a very big family. I asked myself this question: “What have I done? Am I that bad to be punished?” I even questioned God. I asked him: “Why did you give those poor couple another child when they got a dozen already? Why did you take our son?”.

We prepared enough for our baby and yet, he was taken away. He was so tiny… he was innocent. He was so wonderful. He was our happiness but why did it have to happen? As day went by, I learned to accept his loss. But I would still cry when I hear baby’s cry from the delivery room. In my one week of stay at the hospital, I kept praying for a normal delivery. And so on August 15, 2010, my eighth day of stay, I experienced the labor pain and I had a normal delivery. I thanked God for answering my prayers and I asked him to allow our baby to be our angel and watch over us.

Sometimes I still get hurt when I remember that experience. I also feel sorry when I see street children who are not being cared by their parents. 

I hope someday, I can get over this hurt. I hope someday, God will give us another gift. I believe that our son is up there, watching over us and so I must not feel bad. I love my son. His dad and I love him so much.

So if you have a son or a daughter, you must be thankful. God gave you a gift which is truly precious. Take care of your children and cherish every moment that you have. Make them the happiest children on earth.

Written by:

Anabelle B. Añonuevo